1. |
Windy Rhetoric
02:33
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Pounce on the Bidwell class: You broke glass and got shards in your thumb and hair in your gum
Well, pick a side of the gun: Are you the shooter or about to get shot in the sun?
Let’s break it down, get convoluted, misinformed and oh so stupid please
With your windy windy windy rhetoric
Pitter patter, pork and beans. Let’s trim the fat
I can feel the air on your breath (and I don’t crossfit) you are breathing so hard man
And no you can’t force the wind, what goes out must come back in
With your windy windy windy rhetoric
Prancing through the pumpkin patch: watch out for that liberarian who will snatch your pumpkin and leave you with nothing, freedom for him but not for you!
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2. |
Biking
03:22
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Until the day I’m silently rubbed out by a Prius-clad assassin
I’m gonna abide by every bicycle seat that I ever put my ass in
It’s hard to call it an automobile when your oil-motivated coup is showing
This baby runs on falafel, and it always gets me where I’m going
I’m biking biking, I’m biking biking, I’m biking biking
Every day of the week
I’m biking biking, I’m biking biking, I’m biking biking
I got bugs in my teeth
Turn ‘em into a wreath
Give it to Meryl Streep
Well I wonder if that fox in the road just wanted to watch the pavement rush by its feet
It’s a pretty tempting spectacle, so sometimes I try to see
The difference between me and him is that I’ve got reflectors
But I’m thinking too much, so I put on the Dirty Projectors
I’m biking biking, I’m biking biking, I’m biking biking
All around town
I’m biking biking, I’m biking biking, I’m biking biking
Right by some cows
Gonna smoke that loud
And avoid crowds
[instrumental break]
I’m biking biking, I’m biking biking, I’m biking biking
Every day of the week
I’m biking biking, I’m biking biking, I’m biking biking
I got bugs in my teeth
Turn ‘em into a wreath
Give it to Meryl Streep
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3. |
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Tell the concern trolls to stay away from my hot air balloon, because you’re never going to run a record label like a business, accountable to the CIA and some fitbits, not discounting the best efforts of the type-A misfits.
The Myers-Briggs could never calculate my deficiencies. I’m a Co-Star boy, I prefer the algorithmic cosmos of the make-believe. Because my genius is unsure when it’s reeling from David Brooks’ billy club. And did anyone hear a thud, I think that was constitutional democracy.
And oh-oh, designer cloaks of legitimacy are on sale. Yeah, they’re fifty percent off if you tell them you’re woke. And oh-oh designer cloaks of invisibility are upscale. Yeah, they’re flying off the shelves. And oh-no, you might think this is a joke. But these people don’t want to be stormed by an angry mob.
Tell the chief of police that she can go ahead and cancel me, after she reads my zine and deems it counterinsurgency. Well that’s fine, that’s ok if she doesn’t like my jokes. That’s why she’s got a gun and she doesn’t have a Netflix show.
And machine learning could never cackle at my sarcasms. My jokes are too good and too great is the chasm between me and satellite images of Buttigieg, the reflections of which negate the semblance of an edge.
And the preppers are going to prep out in broad daylight. You’re never going to taste the influencers’ birthright. When you can’t see them croak. When you can’t see their cloaks. I swear to god, oh-oh-oh. I swear to the ideology of the op-ed page. And I swear to the Pinkertons dying on the hill of fifty percent off that Noah's ark is only a phone call away.
And oh-oh, designer cloaks of legitimacy are on sale. Yeah, they’re fifty percent off if you tell them you’re woke. And oh-oh designer cloaks of invisibility are upscale. Yeah, they’re flying off the shelves. And oh-no, you might think this is a joke. But these people don’t want to be stormed by an angry mob.
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4. |
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The price of a beer
is cheaper than here
But the kitsch on the wall
strikes me with fear
I count at least three images of the twin towers burning
A bud light or three
In the land of the free
No I’d rather stay put
My cuffed pants never get looks
At this mahogany bar
Decorated with books
I compliment my nordic bartender on her basquiat tattoo!
An uncritical fav
In the home of the brave
The coexist sign
That’s displayed by the door
Doesn’t seem to define
Who this establishment’s for
I like my beer how i like my politics: nominally inclusive and prohibitively expensive!
No i can’t understand
Those who tolerate war
On the walls of a bar
To save a few dollars more
But there’s no ethical inebriation in the metropole
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5. |
I Don't Crossfit
03:14
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I don’t crossfit, I’m not trying to get swole to win a fight. And the geniuses in the cockpit are always bringing a SWAT team to a knife fight. And all you professional yuppies have never read my blog. You’re too busy jogging and drinking craft beer with your dogs. And all you paid protestors get paid to like my band. If you listen in real close you can hear the money changing hands.
I don’t throw shade, at least I’m not a Senator’s aide. That shit’s above my paygrade, but at least I’m not above throwing shade. I’m just writing down contradictions because they’re part of my artistic vision. And all my selfish decisions are uninhibited by long division. And I'm not calculating when I use a calculator. And I drown out all my shit with chorus and fader.
All my bosses crossfit (so weird). Is it something about power I don’t understand? And heavyweights in the mosh pit are working through a complex about an all male eighties band. And all you grown up hippies covering your problems with tapestries. And pivoting to the right to the siren song of complicity. I’ll ask anyone with a pulse to please send money to my mailing list. And we can all shake hands, subsist, and pretend to make progress.
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6. |
Friendly Exchange
04:02
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Well i was walking down the street one day
Me and my police department, hand in hand
I didn’t see you coming around the corner
It was an accident! But it took me to the holy land
You know these things happen sometimes and
Who am i to challenge fate?
Oops! I spilled my police department in your ethnostate
I guess I see why they call it the deadly exchange
Cause I fell in love! And now I’m on a date
Between a police department and an ethnostate
Now some people have come out against our romance
Shouting things about BDS, Richard Spencer and Sabra hummus
But I don’t get what’s got them so worked up
I did like one whole hour of research on this
No, they just want to make a big mess and
So much for the tolerant left!
Oops! I spilled my police department in your ethnostate
How could it be wrong, when Tel Aviv is kinda gay?
I swear that nothing could ever ruin this day
Except, shit, did I leave my police department in your ethnostate?
How could I be so stupid?
It was just a one night stand
But what do you do when your police department and keys
Are in the only democracy
In the middle east?
Well, I left my police department in the ethnostate
Man, what are the residents of Northampton gonna say?
What a headache over some stupid date
I guess I have no police department now--and that’s fucking great
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7. |
Dolphin Attack
01:37
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Dolphin attack. Dolphin attack. Cocaine noodles. Dolphin attack.
Quiet down the decibels. Intercept the audio. Move around the decimals. Everything’s a radio. Monitor minutiae. The tedium of the floorboards. Smile for the camera. Look, you are the scoreboard.
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8. |
Out of Seltzer
03:27
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And I’m out of seltzer (oh no!). Did my bubble burst (did my bubble burst?)? I’m singing helter-skelter to break my nineties curse (to break my nineties curse).
I say this is not an ad. You say this is just a fad.
Will carbonation damage my teeth (damage my teeth). Or is that rumor, hyperbolic group-think (hyperbolic group think)?
I say this is not an ad. You say this is just a fad. You say this is not so bad. I say you’re a fucking scab.
Cops don’t drink seltzer (Will, what do they drink?). They drink Mike’s Hard Lemonade (and they love the Patriots). And landlords own shelter, but their reign will one day fade (one day fade).
You say this is not so bad. I say you’re a fucking scab.
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9. |
NUMTHO(ugh)Ts
02:08
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I always take the front seat When i ride the bus
I like to stretch my legs out ‘Cause they’re very long
I always give my seat up if somebody needs it
Most people work much harder than me
I always drop the window when I’m in my car
I don’t like to live on the inside of a bubble
The people walking by always say they like the music
So i tell them it’s on the radio
I always wear a helmet when I ride my bike
My ex from Iran used to make fun of me for it
She’d say she was joking but i detected venom
Maybe love isn’t really all you need
Stoner will dolphins, brian transportation
The thinkpiece economy, you could call us kingpins
When I ride the train I think about the future
Wouldn’t it be nice if we had these everywhere
I think to myself but then I think again
Wishlist maps reek of manifest destiny
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10. |
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I’m going to the witch shop to buy myself some crystals and fairy dust to sprinkle ‘round where I work. ‘Cause I don’t like the vibe in this large investment bank and I don’t like the energy of having a boss.
I’m just crunching the numbers of a small mining project in the Brazilian Amazon. And I’m just punching the clock of accumulation and asset speculation.
Finishing up the paperwork to put a luxury development on an indigenous cemetery. ‘Cause I can’t wait to leave town and spend the weekend in the Catskills. We’re gonna get an AirBnB and do Ayahuasca in a sweat lodge, ‘cause I don’t like the energy of my morning commute.
I’m just crunching the numbers of a biofuel plantation in the borderlands of Peru. And I’m just punching the clock of the valuation of the situation.
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11. |
Beverly Nelson
02:16
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Cast down your bucket where you are was some shitty advice
At the time but it aged well ‘cause a soil without roots will just
Blow right away while you’re hacking through a concrete jungle
For the people who signed your degree
I hope you find what you’re looking for
I hope you find what you’re looking for x4
I don’t want to see my home underwater but I’d rather have
A great white shark for a neighbor than have a Beverly Nelson
When the real estate bubble pops and the water’s at her ankles
I know some eager new tenants
I hope they find what they’re looking for
I hope you find what you’re looking for x4
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12. |
John Locke's Tiny House
02:57
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Give me a blank slate, a canvas --
a typography of habit,
So ruff-shod and wild, a nice place to raise a child.
Where could we go? (Well, what were you thinking?)
I feel like the city is shrinking
We could pack it in for simpler living
(And maybe get some chickens)
We’re gonna get a drone to survey some land up in Vermont,
after we change a municipal bylaw
Give me a parking space that’s open
unblemished, not broken
where we can park our tiny abode
that we bought with bitcoin tokens
We’re gonna be free, gonna live off the land,
gonna be untainted, soft spoken,
because of automation and the man,
the spectre of the shit and the fan. (Yeah.)
We’re gonna drink bone broth out of mason jars, strained through cheesecloth (cheesecloth)
And Instagram our private rebellion
And you say that I’m trolling for clout but I’m high rollin’
Livin in John Locke’s tiny house
Give me some scoby, some starter
So probiotics to beat the Covid
Outdoor dining under an arbor
Self-reliance is our safe harbor
I’m gonna chop wood ‘til I get tired, and take a nap
And pass the work to help that I hire
And you say that I’m trolling for clout, but I’m high rollin
Livin in John Locke’s tiny house
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13. |
Shade Upon
03:16
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A stormcloud’s a contagion in my mental infrastructure
Even when the sun is out, all I hear is thunder.
And there’s a million ways to do violence against an animal
And that’s the PC way of saying there’s many ways to skin a cat
And the surveillance state probably knows what’s on my mind
Probably use their bots to make a dolphin attack
But I’ll just leave everything implied
And there’s a million ways to do violence against an animal
And that’s the PC way of sayin’ there’s many ways to skin a cat
And the weatherman is almost always wrong
And a shoddy weather forecast is the perfect metaphor for a song
And my Libra deep state isn’t always right
And I toss and I turn and it keeps me up at night
And there’s a million ways to throw shade upon an animal
And that’s the PC way of sayin’ there’s many ways to hate a cat
And the weatherman is almost always wrong
And a shoddy weather forecast is the perfect metaphor for a song
And a stormcloud’s a contagion in my mental infrastructure
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14. |
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Call up the antitrust regulators and tell them (tell ‘em)
to break up all the bands I don’t like.
Who needs psych rock? Who needs dream pop?
and who needs all those boomer bands that play at the casinos in Connecticut?
I knew it was all over when the Obama justice department
refused to break up the Rod Stewart reunion tour.
They broke up Happy Jawbone, they tapped Karl Marx’s phone,
and they told my old band that twenty percent of the door was the best that they could do.
If I had to pay medical bills for every time that music saved or ruined my life I’d be so deep in debt
to some masshole named Matthew, who probably works at a hedge fund,
listens to Dave Matthews and thinks he is a hipster.
There are no rock shows in a pandemic, only grainy YouTube footage from the nineties.
I’m watching Sheryl Crow cover Cat Stevens, singin’
Don’t stop believing in hope and change.
If there's one thing that antitrust regulators and the X-files have in common
it’s that cops are the heroes in the liberal imagination
and I collected all their trading cards, stole a magnet off their car, and I
thought that their t-shirts were the stupidest t-shirts i ever saw.
We’re the fifth band at this show, and I know you probably wanna go, but
We’ll play our songs twenty percent faster if you just stick around.
You’re the Bernie Sanders mitten meme and I’m the ad that’s flashing on your screen
And we’re gonna rock ’n roll straight into the sunset.
There are no rock shows in a pandemic, only doing the dishes over and over
I’m going outside to look up at the sky, I’m so cool that it makes me high.
(it’s 420 in the sky)
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stoner will & the narks Hadley, Massachusetts
the favorite band of bots and paid protestors.
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